Wednesday 25 March 2009

Taurus? Sagittarius? No, it's Cancer!

Well, how inconvenient. So, my world, and more importantly, that of my Mum and Dad, has been even more potentially torn apart by the discovery that she has breast cancer. None of us saw that one coming. Not like any one person is so mighty and high in this world of sometimes random selection, that they shouldn't be unwell, but she has had so many health problems. Not just lately but for years.
I'm certainly not viewing it as "why choose her?" - it's simply rotten bad luck. Really shitty luck. We can't fault the speed of the treatment. Not even 5 weeks since the initial mammogram. Less than a week after that was the first letter of "Hmm... they want me to go back..."
I know it is easy to be pessimistic about these situations, saying "just my luck" etc., but with this family of mine, as wonderful as we are (and we are), this is just so fucking typical...

While it was a not very conclusive day for me on Monday, with my scan (Mirena in the right place, apparently; right ovary has one cyst; left ovary has many and is about 5cms across, which is about the same size as my uterus and is, therefore, not right... still doesn't explain, to me, why I have such terrible pains in my lower right abdomen... or anywhere, actually), it was nightmarish and unreal for my Ma and Pa.
And in a not-selfish-but-practical train of thought, it changes prospects for me. Too many women on my Ma's side have had cancer. Men, too, thinking about it. At least 3 women in my family have had breast cancer. Makes me a bit less bothered about having a small bust. If there should be a lump in there, it might make it more easy to find...
But DCIS - ductal carcinoma in situ - is the fiend which has appeared for my beautiful, selfless, wonderful Ma. Not detectable by a means other than a mammogram. And even then, it's not guaranteed that that is ALL they will find once they operate. Which makes me panic even more...

This is so (risk of US intonation here but...) not about me. I'm angry and scared, confused and frustrated. But none of it is about me. It's not about MY Mum. It's about my MUM. I would do anything in the world to make sure she was OK, to make her smile, and this breaks my heart to know that I can do nothing at all to change what is happening, and will happen, to her.

It is a week today that she goes in to hospital to have the offending article(s) removed and it is taking too long to get here. Life is odd, sometimes. As Des'ree said, "Life... oh life... ohh liiii-iife... oh life".

...saw our heron today. Not "our" heron but he/she, uselessly named Horatio by me, nearly fell off the roof on which he commonly resides, at the bottom of or garden. Strong winds and big wings don't always go well together. I was filming him on the camera and laughed (out loud) as he nearly tumbled. Cruel, eh...?

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