Saturday 28 July 2012

Etsy Supplements Artist?

By law, I'm allowed to earn up to £95 per week while I'm paid ESA (Employment and Support Allowance) by the government. Ideally, I'd not claim anything from "The State" but, I am one of those human things with chronically life-altering health troubles, and I do have to live. And living does, for me, cost some money.

Lately, I've done what I feared I would not be able to do: I have done Art. What if I couldn't draw now? What if I couldn't mix paints or understand shape or form or interpretations or... It was all piffle.
I sketched some drawings on the paper I missed turning and feeling, with the graphite pencils I missed smudging and sharpening, and the sizing-up with my thumb like those Art types do on the telly. (It's an actual thing to do, y'know.) I made a card for a friend, and used my watercolour paints. I'd forgotten about all the things I'd need: jar, water, newspaper, paper towel, hardboard... I enjoyed it so much. When I started the initial sketching the day before the painting, I was thrown right back to the researching lark of something, finding images, reading about the subject, to understand what it was and how it would be done and more things and such.

I was quite pleased with the end result. Even if I hadn't been, I'm sure it's the act of having actually done the Art thing again which was the point. It was breaking down that imaginary wall which stopped me doing creative things earlier. Or was it my own doing? I suspect it was, indeed, me who stopped things progressing, partly because of that fear. But it's also not my "fault" so, I'm not angry with myself for halting or preventing the drawing happening, because it's all been for a reason mostly out of my control. That reason is, of course, endometriosis. And depression. Two reasons: endometriosis and depression. I'll come in, again...

(If you're not sure what endometriosis is, you can click THESE BIG LETTERS to find out more about it as well as my favourite charity, Endometriosis UK. It's for them that I am doing my third 5k walky thing in September, with details HERE, should you wish to be exceedingly generous and sponsor me for what WILL be another very painful, difficult but, ultimately, worthwhile event. Endometriosis UK has changed my life and made it better. Please help it carry on doing the same for countless other women and girls?)

So, now I've started the Art thing again, what can I actually do? I knew about Etsy a while ago, and didn't think I'd bother with it. Then I did. And I've just added some of my drawings and bird paintings from a few years ago, which you can see by clicking HERE.

I'd like to get more Jimi Hendrix prints done, to paint more birds (if I can hold them down long enough), to draw more dogs, cats, and horses. I miss doing what I essentially trained to do for about six years. Although, it was meant to be half that time, really but, once more, the unrelenting pain of a then-undiagnosed incurable disease and dark place of my depressed mind held me back. That desire to create something from bits and pieces, from materials, using various media has never left me. At times, though, there's not enough energy in my whole being to even attempt it. And that lack of anything is down to the conditions I have, as well as the myriad medications I have to take each day to live what might be termed a "decent life". Some days have been and are less than decent, being, as they are, utter shit. The days where not being around felt like a better option, or the days when the strongest of strong painkillers I am permitted to take will not release me from the grip of agony. They're the not-so-good days. Obviously. (I don't have suicidal thoughts these days, in case you wondered.)

Of course. I'm hoping you'll sponsor my 5k and, of course, I'm hoping equally as much that you'll buy something I've created but, if the only thing you're able to do is share this blog in some way, you will be helping me more than you know.

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