Saturday 28 March 2009

Malaise or mayonnaise...?

I went for the malaise; mayonnaise would've made me feel even more sickly than I already did. Do. I suspect my wanton, careless act of eating nearly a whole packet of cookies (small, I should mention, and not in one go) didn't help. Nice cookies, though.

In the last week, my co-dydramol dosage has gone up but a whole 50%. I'm now taking, regularly (about the only thing that is, lately), 3 doses of the 10/500mg co-dydramol each day. This is due to the fact that I'm experiencing more pain per day. Why? (I suspect you're not asking but I'll tell you anyway) I'm getting up earlier. So there's more time in the day, including the mornings, for me to hurt. It really is a relief when the tablets start to work, when that AGHHH starts to numb and flubabbbdjflll.... hmm? Yeah..... ahhh... *optional dribble*... and so it goes a bit like that, most days... so, as I had always thought, or at least, for some considerable time: early mornings are bad for you. For me. While Mirena is here.

It's not just the wretched uterine/ovarian/whatever-it-is-in-there-that-HURTS pains, front and back that occur - I have inflatable toys! Huzzah!! It used to take at least 3 days for them to really hurt, but now it's all in a day, from first sign of, "oh, that's a bit sore..." to, "DON'T YOU DARE COME NEAR ME!! And keep your elbows to yourself..."
I've allocated myself a night-time bra. Not one of my best, most wonderful, most comfortable M&S examples. An older M&S example. Still comfortable. But I'm too big for all my usual tiny cuplets. And, considering my Mum's current predicament, I've never felt less bothered about being so small. I'm tallish, and slim, which is so-so (trying to gain weight is harder than you may think, if you've never had to do it. Sometimes, it's a TOTAL. BITCH.). But now, I think, if there is anything untoward in there, I can hopefully detect it easier than if they were mounds akin to the dome of St. Paul's cathedral. But less green and weathered. And not on display to thousands of people everyday.

Yesterday was a "feel premenstrual, look premenstrual" day. For me, that is not the greatest of appearances to be sporting. I use the term "sporting" very loosely. Miss Troggy Features. Or Doggy. Or both.

I'm expecting to be knocked out again in hospital soon, this time to allow Mirena to leave my uterus. Womb. They're not the best words, are they? Maybe it's because of the ingrained-in-the-brain school teachings that they're the sex-organs and tools for being naughty... or maybe they're just rubbish words.
I shan't be sad about Mirena leaving. I have felt a lot more tired and lethargic since it's been in, and I don't attribute that to all the codeine. This is a different, heavy... ughhh-feeling. It's not Mirena's fault it didn't work. I don't blame it. It works in wonderful ways for other women, I know it does. It's a shame it doesn't seem to suit me. I blame my innards. They're completely, fucking useless at working properly. Pains where and when there shouldn't be, literally disabling me for days. Pathetic, no? Yes. Very.

When I have a "Lucy-normal" period, I am a useless lump of person, puffing and nearly passing out, feeling like my stomach will start pumping and there is no limit to the horrific inner agony that just. doesn't. stop.
I'm very, very pleased that I haven't (yet) been sick with a period but I think I'd rather like to pass out. I've only ever done it once; I had a bladder infection, and, even though the pain the day before was terrible, the actual passing-out parade was serene. I thought I was being silly and having a panic attack but there was actually something wrong with me! Ha. I woke up next to the fridge, head floating (brother was holding my head off the floor, love 'im) and saying, somewhat actress-like, "I'm OK *hand to forehead. Really.*, I'm OK". I obviously wasn't, having sweated my hair weight and collapsing onto my dear Mum. Apart from that, it was a great thing for me.

So. That's something to look forward to once Mirena goes.

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