Thursday, 16 August 2012

Dinosore


The cool, refreshing breeze gently moved my messily-plaited hair, as I sat by the open window in the waiting room before I saw my pain psychologist. The lavender in the pretty garden just a few metres away provided a perfect view to gaze upon. The scent from the bobbing flowers found their way up my hayfeverishly stuffed-up nostrils. Bob Marley sang "I don't want to wait in vain" on the radio. It wasn't long before I was called in to my appointment on, somewhat amusingly, the first anniversary of my second laparoscopy.

I don't honestly feel that much has changed since that day. A positive aspect is that my periods seem to be more likely to start nearer to the 4 week mark than the 5 week mark. But even that is still not a certainty, so planning is, still, an awkward thing.


When I registered to take part in the 5k Big Fun Run in Crystal Palace, I didn't know if I would be well enough to attend, let alone travel for a couple of hours, walk the distance, then travel another couple of hours. Despite the roller-coaster excitement of not knowing whether I'll be ill from the effects of endometriosis-plagued periods, and having no choice but to let people down, I continue to believe that is still better - and healthier for the mind, or mine, at least - to plan to go out, see people, arrange to be a part of a brilliant fund-raising event like the aforementioned trek amid a dinosaur-fest.


But.


This time, like countless others, I won't be there, at the intended destination. I know when that Saturday comes along, that I shall either be heavily medicated and in a lot of pain, while fatigue renders me immovable without assistance, OR I shall be just entering the recovery stage after that period has passed its worst phase.


Either way, I shall be at my worst time of the "month" and, even if I'm able to shuffle along and not use my walking stick, the energy and effort - or spoons - will be far too much for me to manage. I will make myself ill. I can't do that.

I promise you, if you've already sponsored me, I will walk that 5k distance; it won't be in London, but local to my home. I've yet to map out a route but I'm fairly sure I know where I want to go. And I have an idea of who to drag along with me. Although, they don't know it yet...

I'm still a long way off my target, and I'm quite concerned I'm not going to get there. If you would like to sponsor me to help Endometriosis UK, you will help me, and women like me all across the United Kingdom, people you don't even know exist, people you walk by every day. Endometriosis is closer than you might think.

I feel wretched about having to abstain from this event, as it would've been the third consecutive year I'd've gone to London to complete a 5k for Endometriosis UK. The distance, wherever I do it, will be painful for me. Walking, now, is never without a pain or ache or twinge of some kind at some point. I'm not complaining; rather, letting you know (if you hadn't already suffered me enough) that my pain is chronic in its varying forms. I am still exercising, as advised by my hospital pain management team but that only does so much. It can't cure the pains. Nothing can.

So, PLEASE, if you can help, please do! AND, if you buy any item from my lovely, shiny, new shop on Etsy - which is >>> HERE <<< - I'll donate that money to my fund-raising page, which is >>> HERE <<<








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